"Manassas!"
Alright then. The 1st Battle of Manassas........
"Bull Run!"
Oh boy. This could get ugly.......
"Manassas!!"
"Bull Run!!"
"MANASSAS!!!"
"BULL RUN!!!"
BOOM!
BOOM!
Alright, so while those little guys are settling their differences, I should probably explain something. As we well know, the North and South couldn't agree on anything. They couldn't agree on slavery, they couldn't agree on states rights, and they couldn't agree on what to call things. The North liked to name battles after the nearest body of water, while the South preferred naming battles after the nearest city. So Bull Run in the North was Manassas in the South. Wilson's Creek in the North was Springfield in the South. Antietam in the North was Sharpsburg in the South. Stones River in the North was Murfreesboro in the South. And General Sherman in the North was $#^@ *@#% in the South.
He will give you nightmares
"EEK!"
Yes. General Sherman even scared many northerners. But that's not the point of this post, so let us move on to the Battle of 1st Bull Run/Manassas. The Civil War was still in its early stages going into the battle. 11 southern states had already seceded from the Union, and President Lincoln was worried others, namely Kentucky and Maryland, would join the Confederacy. To make matters worse for Ol' Honest Abe, the Confederates had begun amassing an army at the Manassas railroad junction, not twenty miles from Washington D.C. Lincoln felt he had to end the rebellion as soon as possible, so he looked towards his best general to crush the rebels.
Not being able to find one, he settled on General Irvin McDowell.
"But hey, at least I have a cool beard!"
While McDowell indeed had cool facial hair, he had zero experience in combat. Still, with no other viable options, McDowell was given command of the Army of Northeastern Virginia and tasked with the challenge of ridding northern Virginia of the Confederate forces.
On July 16th, 1861, McDowell and his army began their march to Manassas, with the specific goal of destroying the enemy. McDowell had his doubts. He knew his army was unprepared for battle. Most of the soldiers in his ranks were volunteers, not true soldiers. He wanted more time to train, and appealed to Lincoln to postpone action. Lincoln, impatient as a two year old waiting in line at a toy store, informed McDowell that the Confederates had the same handicap, and he better not use the readiness of the army as an excuse to delay action; there were plenty of other unqualified officers in line to run the army if McDowell wasn't up for the task. Reluctantly, McDowell did as he was told. He couldn't afford his facial hair products on a colonel's salary.
McDowell's first contact with the Confederates came on July 19th at the Battle of Blackburn's Ford. Now, the obvious question is why did this Blackburn fellow leave his car parked in the middle of the battle field........
(Sound of crickets chirping)
Ok, I'm going to ask everyone to erase the last ten seconds and that bad joke from their memories. Any way, Blackburn's Ford was a relatively small affair. McDowell's men attacked Confederate forces under General Pierre Gustav Toutant Beauregard along Bull Run.
Pierre Gustav Toutant Beauregard. The pride of Louisiana
Pierre Gustav Toutant Beauregard's men were easily able to repel the Union. But Pierre Gustav Toutant Beauregard was still worried. He knew McDowell had thousands of soldiers in reserve, and his army could be overwhelmed in the coming battle. Needing more soldiers, he sent a message to General Joseph Eggleston Johnston calling for backup in the form of the Army of the Shenandoah. Heeding the call, Joseph EggMcMuffin Johnston assembled his army and moved east (via rail) to assist Pierre Gustav Toutant Beauregard. The question was, would Joseph Eggland'sbest Johnston get there in time? The entire outcome of the battle was riding on the answer to that question.
Over the next two days, no fighting occurred between the two armies. Working on perfecting his beard, McDowell decided not to attack Pierre Gustav Toutant Beauregard, allowing Joseph Eggsbenedict Johnston time to move his entire army to Manassas.
"Heeeeeeeere's Joey!"
This blunder resulted in an oddity in Civil War battles; the Confederates and Union actually had the same number of troops!
That's right. While McDowell originally had more than a 10,000 soldier advantage, the arrival of Joseph Eggnog Johnston gave the Confederates an equal force to their Union counterparts. So going in to the battle, the two armies were on level ground. Neither side had any advantage to fall back on. The better army would win!
The Battle of 1st Manassas/Bull Run began early in the morning on July 21st. McDowell sent two divisions, totaling around 20,000 soldiers, to attack the left flank of the Confederate army on Matthews Hill. Under intense fire, the Confederates attempted to hold their ground. The onslaught, however, was too intense for the Confederates. After fighting on Matthew's Hill for a few hours, the Confederates were forced to withdraw across Bull Run to Henry House Hill, where they regrouped and were bolstered by reinforcements. Sensing the opportunity for victory, the Union pursed the Confederates, and kept the battle going.
For quite some time, it looked as though the Union army would end the rebellion before it even began. On Henry House Hill, they began decimating the Confederates. One general, Bernard (Bumble) Bee, grew agitated at his comrades, specifically one gent who remained atop the hill, allowing BumbleBee's men a chance to get slaughtered. That man was General Thomas J. Jackson.
"Yikes!"
Yes, he too is quite scary. Any way, Jackson kept his entire brigade in reserve while Bumble's men were taking a beating. Looking to Jackson, our Humble Bumble yelled out "There stands Jackson like a Stonewall!" Despite Bumble's request for Jackson to join the fray, Jackson kept his troops in reserve till just the right time.........
And then he struck! He led his entire brigade to counter-attack the advancing Union army. Unprepared for the assault, the Union line crumbled. Being an army of only new recruits, the Union didn't just retreat; they ran! They ran all the way from Manassas back to Washington, D.C. The retreat was total chaos, and soldiers literally dropped their rifles and equipment in order to run faster. Thus ended the Battle of 1st Manassas/Bull Run.
In the aftermath of the battle, both Pierre Gustav Toutant Beauregard and Joseph Eggroll Johnston received praise from the Confederate government, and Jackson earned the nickname "Stonewall", a nickname by which he is known even to this day. McDowell and his awesome beard were relieved of command, and Lincoln was shown that the Confederates were not going anywhere. The war was going to be longer than Lincoln, or anybody for that matter, could have anticipated. And many of the war's great generals, including Jackson, Sherman, and Longstreet, experienced Civil War combat for the first time.
In the grand scheme of things, this battle was not that big. The fighting was restricted to a few specific areas, and the casualties were small compared to Gettysburg, Chickamauga, Antietam, and many others. But because it was the first, it will always be noteworthy. This battle was fought 152 years ago this weekend.
"Yay! We win!"
"Humph! I don't like this battle!"
Don't worry, my adorable little Billy Yank. You'll get the last laugh in this war
"Hehehe!"
"How's that?!"
P.S. Many people have argued that Bumble's comment about Jackson was flattering. Which was it? We'll never know. The Bumble was shot and killed a few minutes after he made this famous declaration.
P.P.S. Stonewall Jackson had a cousin nicknamed Mudwall.
P.P.P.S. During the battle, Wilmer McLean's property was destroyed. He moved south to the city of Appomattox Courthouse to get away from the war. Four years later, Gen. Lee and Gen. Grant met at his house to end the war. Following the ceremony, his house was ransacked for souvenirs.
P.P.P.P.S. During the battle, many prominent figures in Washington made the journey to the battlefield to watch. When the Union were routed, many of them were captured by the Confederates and held for ransom.
P.P.P.P.P.S. There was also a second battle of Manassas/Bull Run in 1862. Unfortunately, like so many sequels, it wasn't as good as the first.
this is your best one yet!
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